(no subject)

[littlemoose]

I wrote 4 pages today. Trust me, this is a big thing right now.

So, In Tesco's today, I bumped into Leona - my best friend from school, the first person I came out to, one of the sweetest people ever to walk the earth, and someone who, sadly, I've drifted apart from a bit. Although everytime we meet up, it feels like no time's gone by since the last time.

We did small talk for a few minutes, moved on to catching up and then:

"Oh, you'll be getting an invite in the post soon, I'm getting married!"

*goink*

Much hugs and congratulations, and by god I meant it... but...

...conflicting things. I only want her to be happy, and she really seems it, I never remember her looking so confident and upbeat. On the other hand, here's another reminder that life is moving on without me. The people I went to school with are all in their mid-20's and living the lives that go with that. I'm still living the life of a teenager... and not in the 'easy life with no responsibilities' sense either.

And the third thing...

Yeah I'm jealous. I'm torn between protective friend 'you ever hurt her and I'll rip your balls off' and 'you emigrate now and never come near her again and I won't rip your balls off'. I've always carried a hopless little torch for Leo.

But what does it have to do with me any way? She's straight, she's my friend (and we all remember what happened the last time I dated a friend...) and she deserves this, if its what she wants, because God knows she's had some shitty times in the past.

I guess it just brought a lot of things home to me... how much I wish I hadn't lost touch, but how little I have in common with any of my old friends now.

But... I won't pass up the chance to see her in her wedding dress, and I will smile and dance and laugh and be happy, because at least one of us has siezed a handful of happiness, and why shouldn't it be her?

Comments

[madscot.livejournal.com]

Yah for the writing!

I know the lyrics of that song very well - and your world is going to change - you are working so damn hard at doing just that. In some ways you have lived more of life than any of us who have supposedly been living the kind of life you talk of.

As for friends - well you know I met up with people I had not seen in 20 years - we could not understand either how we had drifted, but the good thing was, as with you and your friend, is that time doesn't really matter...'it' is still there, and always will be.

Have a dance and a laugh and know that though that day is hers, you still have yours to look forward to - and you will have it, and your friends will share in your joy, as you area sharing hers.

For what it's worth, OH was 29 when I met him..so don't let the numbers on the calendar hold you prisoner...easy to say I know..

*huggles*

[madscot.livejournal.com]

that last post came out all wrong - I'll just go back to quietly waving the flags..

[jamaisneutral.livejournal.com]

you'll get more than your handful sweetie. Once you meet a decent girl/guy and Then *I'll* want to rip his balls or her head off if they ever hurt you. Behead them with a shovel I think Willow once said to one of Buffy's boyfriends :-)

And don't you ever call people MY age mid-twenties!!! how dare you!