(no subject)

[littlemoose]

dracothelizard made me post a nano excerpt (yep, I'm doing it this year, and it's all going surprisingly well, since I abandoned any notion of Doing it Properly and decided to do the sequel to the 2005 multi meta fandom weirdness (by the by madscot, you make a cameo in this one too, hope you don't mind..) so here's excerpt #1: The Return of Irma! (her job is a dare from dad *g*)

"And now you are please to be making the repetition after me; 'I am please to be directed to the small room for womens'."

Dec frowned. "That voice sounds familiar."

Ant nodded, pointing down the bland, institutional, corridor in the direction the voice was coming from.

"I am to be afraid that this is not being my handbag."

A chorus of voices sounded, repeating the phrase back.

"That is being most satisfactory! Now please to be attempting most polite phrasing of speeches for visiting centres of banking. 'I am please looking to be removing the moneys from my accountings today, thank you.'"

"I am please looking to be removing the moneys from my accountings today, thank you!"

"Very good!"

Ant and Dec shared a look. "Irma!"

Somewhere down the corridor a bell sounded. "That is to be being all the lesson we are having time for today! I am to be seeing you all again at the same timing on the next week!"

The door nearest to them flew open and a steady stream of chattering people came rushing out. Once the line had filtered away, the boys stepped into the little classroom.

The tall, slightly greying woman behind the large, old-fashioned, wooden teacher's desk at the other end of the room looked up, and catching sight of them, jumped to her feet, ran the length of the classroom and flung her arms around each of them in turn.

"My dear no longer missing boys of whom there are two and are EXACTLY where they should be!"

Ant grinned. "Hello Irma!"

Irma smiled, her eyes going misty behind the wire-rimmed, thick-lensed glasses she peered at them through.

"Oh, my lovely, lovely, little English boys!"

Dec laughed, looking round him at the old-fashioned classroom. "I take it this is your story then, Irma?"

Irma frowned at him. "You did not hear the terrible happenings?"

"What terrible happenings?"

"When the fictional stories that had gone bad and rotten around the edges went kablooie and boom, they took out half the Unfinished Room. Irma's lovely and not-finished story is gone, gone and exploded and will never be finished." She pulled a little lacy hankie from the pocket of her brown corduroy trousers and blew her nose nosily. "Irma was left with having no home and no story to be going back into. So lovely, lovely busy ladies here at the Halls of Fanfiction thereof were to be giving Irma a job teaching new archivists and curators how to be speaking the perfect English belonging to the Queen, just like Irma is can be doing!" She beamed at them proudly, standing up straighter as she spoke.

Dec hid a smile.

Comments

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Now THERE is a speech pattern that is both funny and good for your word count!

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

good for your word count

Heee, that's kinda how she came about - I was desperate for the wordcount in the last one, and I needed a receptionist, and the two things came together nicely!

[madscot.livejournal.com]

I love Irma, though I have to read her very slowly (I'm normally a fast reader).

*blushes like mad at the compliment* Cameo!Madscot :D

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

She's so much fun to write :D

Aw, bless ya - I'm glad you don't mind, hon :) *hugs*