AAAAAAARGH!
Aug. 14th, 2004 03:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
littlemooseI. Can't. Fucking. Sleep. Again.
Someone, somewhere, is having a good old laugh right about now.
Got spammed bigstyle with emails about L***'s wedding photos - my email filters weren't set up for her married name, dammit. She sent me an email before the wedding - which slipped through the net 'cause she sent it from work - thinking about you, wondering if you're ok - that sort of thing. Sorry honey, you said you didn't want to know me anymore, you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not bitter, am I? </3am sarcasm>
Ugh, sleepless nights fuck with your head, seriously. I always end up remembering the demon shrink who came to the house when I was 12 and first battled with agrophobia, at this point I hadn't been to school, or out of the house at all, for six months - he thought I was just looking for attention and spent an hour and a half screaming at me and calling me spoilt and stupid and threatening me with being put into the psychiatric school he was head of and not being allowed to see my parents at all. I only saw him once, thank goodness. When the shock tactic didn't work they began to realise I wasn't just a truant, but god he gave me nightmares for months.
Funny the things that go through your head. I guess that'll always be one of my 3am thoughts.
It's not just the bad things though. It's just that everything seems more acute when you're lacking sleep. Sometimes it's the happy memories that come back the sharpest, but they still keep your brain too active to get over.
Like a tiny kiss on the lips under the bedclothes at your best friend's house when you're staying the night, and you open your eyes, but there's no-one there, so you scramble up to the top of the duvet, just in time to see your best friend blush and grin at you before he legs it out the room, and you're only seven so it doesn't matter at all, but it's lovely.
Or just something dumb like playing on the pedalos in Blackpool with your uncle and your grandad, or the dodgems at Portrush with a couple of crazed englishmen (one of whom is the offical most intense dodgem driver ever).
What a mishmash.
It's not Celestine that lives inside my head and stops me sleeping, it's just me. :S
Someone, somewhere, is having a good old laugh right about now.
Got spammed bigstyle with emails about L***'s wedding photos - my email filters weren't set up for her married name, dammit. She sent me an email before the wedding - which slipped through the net 'cause she sent it from work - thinking about you, wondering if you're ok - that sort of thing. Sorry honey, you said you didn't want to know me anymore, you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not bitter, am I? </3am sarcasm>
Ugh, sleepless nights fuck with your head, seriously. I always end up remembering the demon shrink who came to the house when I was 12 and first battled with agrophobia, at this point I hadn't been to school, or out of the house at all, for six months - he thought I was just looking for attention and spent an hour and a half screaming at me and calling me spoilt and stupid and threatening me with being put into the psychiatric school he was head of and not being allowed to see my parents at all. I only saw him once, thank goodness. When the shock tactic didn't work they began to realise I wasn't just a truant, but god he gave me nightmares for months.
Funny the things that go through your head. I guess that'll always be one of my 3am thoughts.
It's not just the bad things though. It's just that everything seems more acute when you're lacking sleep. Sometimes it's the happy memories that come back the sharpest, but they still keep your brain too active to get over.
Like a tiny kiss on the lips under the bedclothes at your best friend's house when you're staying the night, and you open your eyes, but there's no-one there, so you scramble up to the top of the duvet, just in time to see your best friend blush and grin at you before he legs it out the room, and you're only seven so it doesn't matter at all, but it's lovely.
Or just something dumb like playing on the pedalos in Blackpool with your uncle and your grandad, or the dodgems at Portrush with a couple of crazed englishmen (one of whom is the offical most intense dodgem driver ever).
What a mishmash.
It's not Celestine that lives inside my head and stops me sleeping, it's just me. :S
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-13 10:39 pm (UTC)I wish I could have 5 minutes alone with that pychiatrist...
I wish we could understand the brain's filing system...
no subject
Date: 2004-08-14 02:51 am (UTC)Louise couldn't sleep last night either. It was mainly due to there being a spider in her bedroom though :P Can't offer any advice on sleepless nights, but I do remember that being blind drunk tends to help dozing off. Not exactly cheap though unless you want to drink condensed alcoholic piss (lambrini), which they sell at the co-op for 99p, I think...
no subject
Date: 2004-08-14 05:19 am (UTC)