Sitrep

Nov. 12th, 2009 12:09 am
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Default)
Still upright :)

Granddad arrived from England today - we went to the harbour to pick him up. He's staying 'til Monday. Also picked up Mum's ashes today from the undertaker's. She wanted them buried next to her parents (Gran and Granda H.) so that's happening on Saturday morning. I suppose at least then the whole drawn out thing gets a bit of an ending.

Also, in deeply shallow but related news, I have come into possession of Mum's Nintendo DS, and have been familiarising myself with it. It comes with several games including Scrabble, Brain Training, Scribblenauts and, for some reason, Sonic the Hedgehog. (Personally I think she was just reliving the feeling of thrashing the 11-year-old me at it on the Sega Master System *g*) I am now contemplating the staggering array of games out there for it. Anyone know any good ones?

Yeah, I know, that bit was shallow... it's weird, I'm still at the point where I feel guilty for thinking about stuff like that. I dunno, I'm just still feeling my way I guess. Bear with me guys, eh?
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Default)
Hey everybody. Thank you for all the kind thoughts - I've kinda been blown backwards by all the support I've got (online and offline and offline from online people... if that makes sense!). Dad wants to say thank you too - he says he feels 'like an honorary member of the interwebs'.

So, the funeral yesterday, after possibly the longest wake in history (there is one crematorium in NI, so we just had to wait). We played mum's favourite song in the crematorium afterwards and it made a lot of people smile, so that was actually really nice. We're not traditional, but it worked, it was mum :)

I guess that makes today day one, after everyone's gone and we're just here getting on with things. It's not been too bad today, but I'm not under any illusions - I know things could be shit for a while. But we discovered today that we can still laugh, so that's cool. My uncle came over today with some pictures of mum when she was young too, and left us copies - one of them is her when she was about... I dunno 15 or so, so late 1950s. In her convent school uniform looking awkward and teenage and brilliant... I've never seen photos of her that young before, it was weird, but cool.

So... yeah. Thank you guys, each and every one of you - you've been awesome. And... well... I dunno, I'm just winging it, but I guess I'm back :)
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Default)
I know it probably seems awful, mobile posting at a time like this, but you guys have been my strength and in an odd way I thought I should tell you too.

We lost mum at 4.30am. She was 65, the second youngest of 9, married to my dad for 30 years and my sarcastic, wonderful, maddning annoying loving generous mum, who only passed her driving test three months ago and thought she was the stig. I love her.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
littlemoose: A screencap of James May giggling with his hand to his face, with a small animation of him giggling in the corner. (TG - May - *giggles* (dracothelizard))
Me: [on seeing a trailer for Argumental] Is it wrong that I quite fancy Marcus Brigstocke?
Mum: Well, you fancy worse people.
Me: Like who?!
Mum: James May.
Me: *laughing* What's wrong with fancying James May?
Mum: Well, he's a lot older than you...
Me: True.
Mum: ...and isn't he supposed to be gay?
Me: *laughing harder* He has a girlfriend!
Mum: REALLY?!
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Wallace & Gromit - tea)
The true definition of 'family' is when your mum asks you to put some songs by 'that nice man from Enniskillen' onto her iPod, and you know exactly what she means.

She has good taste in music, too.
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Default)
I love my Mum dearly, but sometimes following her train of thought requires satellite tracking...

Me: *leafs through Radio Times* Oh, yay!
Mum: Yay?
Me: Ant and Dec's new show's on on Saturday. The only thing is, I'll have to restrain myself from being physically sick, Piers Morgan's one of the judges.
Mum: You know that judge on Dancing on Ice, the one they always booed?
Me: Jason Gardiner?
Mum: That's him, he was on Masterchef last night, cooking. He's quite nice really. You know who he was up against?
Me: No.
Mum: That guy...
Dad: No, we don't know that guy.
Mum: Stan.
Me: Stan who?
Mum: Or maybe it wasn't Stan... oh, what's his other name? Played some sport...
Me: Stan Collymore?
Mum: *in a 'don't be silly' tone of voice* No, he's dark skinned.
Me: You didn't say this guy was white!
Mum: No he's a cricketer... he was in the jungle thing.
Me: Phil Tufnell?!
Mum: That's him! It's not very like Stan is it?
Dad: He was stanin over there, that's what confused you...
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (garfield - hee!)
Went out for a drive with the parents today. Very nice. Dad bought one of those converter tapes for mp3 players a while ago, so the various gadgetry we have can go with us, and (as a result) ended up putting a playlist of mum's favourites on his iPod so that she's not skipping all the classical music he has on it. So we were listening to that today:

iPod: *plays Life is a Rollercoaster by Ronan Keating*
Me: Oh, Ronan!
Dad: Rooooonan (yes, he used to watch sm:TV too)
Me: *laughs* Roooooonan! With eleven O's!
Mum: Oh, I like Ronan. The rollercoaster song is on here too, isn't it?
Me: That's it!
Mum: It's not, is it?
Me: It is!
Ronan: *sings* Life is a Rollercoaster, just gotta ride it!
Mum: Oh, that's the Rollercoaster song!
Dad: *laughs*
Mum: Are you laughing at me?
Dad: No, love, I'm laughing with you...
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Ant and Dec - shake it!)
Today, we went for a drive in the 30° heat... blasting Christmas songs on the car stereo.

I love my family.
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (roosevelt)
There were a bunch of students in Coleraine today handing out sweets to passersby. Not collecting for anything, not advertising, just handing lollies to kids and choccys to adults. Didn't take any, but the idea cheered me right up :)

And now, time for More Mum Surrealismâ„¢! So, a couple of days ago, or whatever it was, BBC2 showed the 1983 final of Ask The Family as a teaser for the revival, which leads mum to wonder:

Mum: Who's doing the new one?
Me: Dick and Dom
Mum: *groans* Couldn't they have got somebody decent?
Me: *interested, since I'm not that keen on D&D* Who would be decent?
Mum: *thinks for a bit* That mad chap that did that thing where the people's stuff got burnt up at the end.
Me: O_o

After further investigation, we discovered that mum was referring to Distraction. Which means her idea of a 'decent' host for Ask The Family is Jimmy Carr.

Yes... I can just see him hosting a family quiz...

Jimmy: So, Billy, you're seven.
Billy: *nods* Yeth. *smiles cutely, revealing missing front teeth*
Jimmy: Big deal. Do you recognise this? *holds up a teddybear*
Billy: Thid!
Jimmy: That's right, this is your bear Sid, and for every question you get wrong in this round, my friend Steve *into shot comes a man with a chainsaw* will take one slice off Sid.
Billy: *bursts into tears*

Of course, as the owner of the adored Roosevelt (see icon), 25-year-old bear of great poise and statesbearship, I would never, ever, condone violence towards stuffed toys of any description *glances nervously at toy shelf*

Oh I am so tired... really want to watch the Quatermass Experiment on BBC4 tonight though... need coffee...
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (spork)
Mum and I were watching Comic Relief Does Fame Academy last night (I have a soft spot for Edith *blush*) when that Debra woman from Corrie 'sang' I Believe in You (blasphemy!) Anyway, this dialogue ensued.

Me: Singing Kylie - shouldn't be allowed. You know Jake and Babydaddy from the Scissor Sisters wrote this song?
Mum: Yeah?
Me: You know, the Scissor Sisters?
Mum: Oh... wasn't that them in that video we saw, the two of them wandering round and one was singing and the other wasn't doing much?

(At this point I'm desperately racking my brain trying to figure out what she's on about, when it hits me - we saw the video for West End Girls on one of those music station classic hits nights a week or so ago and it cracked mum up how Chris didn't do much)

Me: No, mum, that was the Pet Shop Boys.
Mum: Are you sure? I thought that was the Scissor Sisters.
Me: (desperatly wondering how mum can confuse Neil and Chris with a five-piece band) No, honestly, that was the Pet Shop Boys!

And the thing is, mum's seen the video for Filthy/Gorgeous. Twice. and I'm sitting there wondering how the hell anyone can forget that!
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (in these shoes?)
We actually convinced mum to come out for a drive today. The three of us went down to Portballentrae, strolled along the coast and had ice cream, and then took the model Steam Railway from Bushmills up to the Causeway - something mum has wanted to do for ages. The steam engine pushing the carridges is 100 years old this year! It's beautiful. There were a bunch of Spanish friends in the carridge in front of us who were on holiday - they were all steam train enthusiasts, and they let them go into the engine house at the station and look round - their enthusiasm was really infectious!

I hope we get to do stuff like that more often :)


Oh, and I took this from [livejournal.com profile] madscot, becuase I'd hope I'd be strong enough not to.

65% of the population will torture another human being if instructed to by an authority figure. If you hope you're part of the 35% that wouldn't, copy this into your journal.
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (crumbs chief!)
Last night, I couldn't sleep. I ended up watching Love Story on BBC1, up until last night, a film I had never seen, and I didn't know what it was until it was over. I hated it.

Now to get this next bit, you need to know a few basic facts, so here they are:

  • I cry at movies. A lot. Hell, I've been known to cry at commercials. I'm just that sort of person, if a movie's good, and it gets to me, I cry.

  • Mum does not cry at movies. In fact, she frequently laughs at me when I do.

  • We both have a love of ridiculing bad films.



So, now you know this, you'll understand why I rushed down the stairs to tell mum I had just seen possibly the worst film I've ever sat through in my life... and stopped dead in my tracks when I found mum sat in front of the telly, surrounded with soggy hankies, wiping her face. Scrolling up the screen... you guessed it, the end credits of Love Story. It is, apparently, Mum's favourite film, and one she always cries at. Go figure!

A little yay me moment, was in town today, doing the library thing, hence the red bull... no sleep and busses is a bad combo. Things were sweetened when I had a sudden urge to stop in at the little old fashioned sweetshop I used to frequent when at school and discovered they had just taken delivery of a big box of fresh, home made macaroons! :D Huge big long ones too, should last ages, broken into chunks and savoured as one must do with a really good macaroon ;)

After agonising over my homework for class all week, finally had a burst of creativity this morning at about six... why do I always write my best when I'm completely zonked?
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (everybody knows)
Mum and I are off to see Love Actually tonight :D It's not entirely selfish, the draw of Messers Rickman and Firth was too much for mum to bear it seems ;) (add a couple of Geordies to that and you've just about got my motives too...) and when I told her it was written by the guy who wrote Notting Hill she seemed set on going! *yay*

Aaah, the corruption spreads ;)
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Default)
I bumped into Nicola (one of my tutors) in Coleraine (it was another episode of dad's 'Making Jo go out more' show) she was really pleased to see me out and about and told me I was welcome to just drop into the media dept. and say hi whenever I wanted :)

I've been discussing with mum and dad the idea of dropping media and doing an OU course at home... mum especially thinks it might be a good idea... and then after a while, when I've got some confidence back, maybe get a job... something light at first, maybe part-time... Need to do something.

Mum called my cousin Bernie (she's a doctor) about psychologists in the area. Bernie sent glowing reports about one guy and said I'd be as safe as houses with him, and that she'd send anyone to him. I dunno... they only really help if you've an idea what your problem is, and I don't have the first clue.

I promised mum I'd think about it seriously though. She's not a bad mum really... she's desperate to help me out somehow, hence the shrink-pimping...

Dad's talking seriously about writing his children's book... this idea's been brewing for two or three years now, and it's a beaut... but it's expanding... it's gonna take at least 6 books to tell the story, and he's only got a bit of book one on the go! *giggles* Well, there's nothing wrong with ambition... ;)
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Default)
My Great Aunt Lena died this afternoon... she was heading for 90, and still as sharp as a meat cleaver. She was grumbling from the hospital that they wouldn't let her out to play bingo!

Mum's really upset... Lena was her favourite Aunt, and always there for her right through her life, like mum said, you could have almost thought she'd just go on forever.

I had this vision of the energiser bunny... but with bingo markers instead of drumsticks... Heh, right up til the end Lena could have put people half her age to shame with her energy :-)

I'm really gonna miss her too.
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Default)
living in this brain... sometimes the thoughts I have scare me... tonight, it all came crashing down, and I thought about things that hadn't crossed my mind for five years or more...

But they were just thoughts. So that's ok.

Pain scares me.

I cried... and mum held me. It was like being little again and everything was going to be ok because I wasn't alone anymore. But it isn't and it won't be.

Mum wants me to see a shrink again. I hope piglet will forgive me for saying this, but I hate them all, every last one I got dragged to as a kid... there's one... thought I was just attention seeking. He tried to scare me into going back to school... told me if I didn't they'd take me away, put me in a hospital/school place, and I'd not see my parents. I was 12. I had nightmares about him for so long. I don't usually hate, and I detest violence, despite the persona I have at MST, but if I ever see him again, I will do him real damage.

Everything's fresh again. I really detest that. Old bones. Sun bleached... the incongrous skeleton in the sanddune.

That's my nights, and it's getting hard again. All the old thoughts are back... so many years of fear and upset.

Mum was really nice. There's a good guage for how bad things are.

I'm scared.
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Default)
I've had no sleep... wheee, see me go!

Mum laughed at me last night, channel surfing to avoid romance films and lovesong programmes... turned into a good girly vegging session. Me mammy can tell a quare yarn, as they say in B'mena ;)
Today dad's taking me into Coleraine, just to walk about and mingle with the real people... and get new slipper socks, coz there's a dirty great hole in my 'hello kitty' ones :P He's sticking with me, rather than leaving me there and letting me go off on my own... I'm glad, I'm a bit shaky atm... *sigh* It's always one step forward, 37 1/2 steps back innit...

But dadtime is goodtime... so making the most of it.
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Default)
Ok... I'm out of the self-pity mire. I plucked up the courage to talk to mum, and we had a good cry and laugh session. She didn't realise it had got to me so badly. Honestly, sometimes it feels like we're from different planets, but when she pulls through, she really pulls through for me. So... plan of attack is this - try to finish the year at any rate... and then decide if I want to finish the course or drop out and do something else. And mum's behind me totally... which really helps. *happy*

Other news... erm... I've got a stinker of a headcold! *YAY BACTERIA!* And I've been helping dad plan out a menu for the Order's annual meal next week... mixture of fritters for a starter with chilli lime dip and greek yogurt and chive dip... then thai noodle soup... then honey glazed chicken on a bed of pasta and green salad and a choice of rumbaba or profeterolls for desert, rounding off with cheese and coffee... sounds good yesno?! Last year was such a hoot... I had such a good time helping out... and of course I never turn down dad's cooking ;)

*aachoo*
littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Default)
Piglet has gone and got herself a blog! (She wanted an LJ, but I'd already given away my code.. sorry babe) And she's waay more interesting than I could be ever ever ;)

I've gotten totally into making Dolls lately... well, it gives me something to do while I'm otherwise indisposed :-) I never knew how much work goes into them, but it's really rewarding in a geeky kind of way ;) I LOVE the dolls I've come up with so far... I might ask Alex if I can borrow a bit of his webspace so I can link to them here :)

Mum's coughing all over the shop... she's got a touch of the flu and a bad chesty cough to boot... Me and dad keep telling her to go to the doc and at least get something for the cough, but every time she just says no... and then continues to complain that she's coughed so hard her sides hurt *shakes head*

*fires up PSP* Back to the dolls ;)

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littlemoose: A photograph of a vivd blue swallowtail butterfly against an orange stucco wall (Default)
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