Leave Out All The Rest.

Jul. 20th, 2017 08:38 pm
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (Default)
[personal profile] rionaleonhart
Chester Bennington has died.

I'm devastated.

You were a big part of my early teens. I thought going to see Linkin Park in concert would just be a fun nostalgic thing, but you were so good on stage. I've been hoping I might be able to see you perform again ever since then. I can't believe it was only on the third of this month.

I'm glad I was able to see you once, at least.

Thank you for giving me so much joy over the last fortnight. And, on a less intense level, thank you for the joy you've given me over the last seventeen years. Also, fuck you slightly for being the reason I've been sitting here and crying for the last hour? (I'm trying to proofread this entry right now, and I can't see the screen through my tears.)

But 'Leave Out All the Rest' asks us to forget the wrongs that you've done. So I'll forgive you, I suppose. When I'm not quite such a wreck.

It also says, 'Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.' I think you left behind your own reasons.

There'll never be another.

God, I fell so hard for you and we never even met.


Confusing What Is Real.

Jul. 20th, 2017 11:21 am
rionaleonhart: the mentalist: lisbon, afraid but brave, makes an important call. (it's been an honour)
[personal profile] rionaleonhart
Hmm, I thought. As I love the music video for 'Heavy' so much, maybe I should check out some other Linkin Park videos and see whether they spark any writing inspiration.

(Did I forget for a moment that I'm supposed to be trying not to write Linkin Park fanfiction? Er, possibly. I maintain that music video fanfiction doesn't count.)

I'm now deeply conflicted over the video for 'Leave Out All the Rest', which depicts the band on a spaceship that ends up drifting into a star. On the one hand, hey, an interesting AU setting! On the other, it's an interesting AU setting that I never want to write about, because it sets off my fear of space very badly.

I'm also intrigued by the 'In the End' video, with its charmingly turn-of-the-millennium graphics and young Chester being an attractive little shit (his smirk in the bridge!), in which they sing a desiccated wasteland back to life and for some reason there are flying whales. It's a strangely hopeful video for a song with hopeless lyrics. You tried so hard and got so far, in the end it doesn't even matter, but the video is telling you that you can move past this. Your life still has the capacity for beauty and flying whales.


THE BOOKENING TITLE #14: The Girl on the Train, Paula Hawkins

A real book! An actual, proper book that non-fannish people have read!

This is not my usual reading fare, but I enjoyed it! I was interested, but not invested, if that makes sense. Most of the time, when I was actually reading it, I was gripped. When I wasn't reading it, though, I didn't think about it at all. So I'd tear through a hundred pages in a sitting, and then I wouldn't touch it for days; there was never any point where I thought 'wow, I can't wait to get back to that book' or found myself speculating on the solution to the central mystery. This was a book that only existed when it was in my hands.

The main character struggled with self-loathing, made terrible decisions and couldn't trust her own perception of reality, which are all qualities I enjoy in fictional characters (I repeat: the music video for 'Heavy' is so good). I also liked the way she made her own personal fandom out of the people she saw from the train, and then basically self-inserted. Everyone in this book is very difficult to like (poor Cathy is the only half-decent person in a sea of arseholes), but I did end up with a touch of fondness for Rachel, and I really liked the scenes between her and Anna towards the end.
rionaleonhart: the mentalist: lisbon, afraid but brave, makes an important call. (it's been an honour)
[personal profile] rionaleonhart
Okay, look, this doesn't count as Linkin Park fanfiction. It's fanfiction for a music video. It's completely different.

(I never thought I'd write fanfiction for a canon that's less than three minutes long.)

I had to tie myself to a door when researching this.


Title: Keep Spinning
Fandom: the music video for Linkin Park's 'Heavy'
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1,900
Summary: Two broken people, trying to hold each other together.


Keep Spinning )
rionaleonhart: okami: amaterasu is startled. (NOT SO FAST)
[personal profile] rionaleonhart
The sudden flood of Linkin Park posting will die down eventually, I promise! I love being into something in an enthusiastic, 'compelled to talk about it constantly' way, but my real-life friends who are into Linkin Park are more interested in normal 'what's your favourite song?' conversations than in 'let's discuss the strange intensity of Chester's eyes for seven hours', so I just end up throwing all that enthusiasm into my Dreamwidth.

I'm starting to feel that Linkin Park are personally poking needles into my resolution not to write fanfiction. I've only just watched the music video for 'Heavy', and !!!!! it features Chester screaming at himself and beating himself up and then being dragged out of his psychological breakdown and comforted by an equally broken person, HOW DID YOU PUT SEVERAL OF MY FAVOURITE FICTIONAL TROPES IN A MUSIC VIDEO.

'Heavy' isn't one of my favourite Linkin Park tracks, but it's catchy and I like it and it worked really well live. I was actually pleasantly surprised when I first heard it, because for months I'd been seeing 'this is so good, UNLIKE HEAVY, THE WORST SONG EVER MADE' comments on every Linkin Park song I listened to. I had to brace myself to listen to the song; I was confused but pleased to find myself enjoying it!

'Heavy' and the other songs on One More Light are very different from Linkin Park's older work, certainly, but they're not bad, and I like the band's willingness to experiment with new genres. They don't want to keep putting out the same album endlessly, and that's a good thing! I love Hybrid Theory to pieces, but if I want Hybrid Theory I can just listen to Hybrid Theory again. 'Breaking the Habit' would never have existed if they hadn't been prepared to go lighter than their 'signature' sound, 'Guilty All the Same' would never have existed if they hadn't been prepared to go heavier, and both songs are fantastic.

I mean, yes, sometimes they make genuinely bizarre decisions (did you really release a concept album designed to be listened to from beginning to end in 2010, you maniacs?), but their willingness to take risks has resulted in a huge, diverse, interesting collection of tracks. I like 'Crawling' and I adore 'Numb', but they're very similar songs, and it would be unbearable if they'd just been releasing songs in the same style for the last seventeen years. I wouldn't love 'Numb' nearly so much if they'd diluted its impact with a hundred songs that sound exactly the same. So, even if I'll happily listen to that song ten times in a row, I'm glad One More Light is something new, rather than 'Numb' Again, Ten More Times.

Wait, I'm not supposed to be talking seriously about music. I'm supposed to be daydreaming about scenarios inspired by that music video. Chester and his duplicate, circling each other warily. Getting under each other's skin (CRAAAAAWLING etc.). Maybe angrily making out a little. Look, it's not as if nobody knew I was thinking it; I might as well say it out loud.

Incidentally, this weird but endearing clip, which I assume was born of Mike being insecure about his height, is the most strangely beautiful I've ever seen Chester being (from the moment he stops stooping). Apparently 'filmed slightly from below, in profile, in black and white' is his best angle.

why have I got it so bad for Chester Bennington

this is EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING

In The Memory You'll Find Me.

Jul. 9th, 2017 03:00 pm
rionaleonhart: twewy: joshua kiryu is being fabulously obnoxious and he knows it. (is that so?)
[personal profile] rionaleonhart
Cut for a couple of GIFs (it will shock you to learn they're of Linkin Park) )


I'm not planning to put GIFs in all of my entries from now on, I swear. I'm breaking the habit tonight. But somehow I can't stop staring at sweat-soaked, exhausted Chester and Mike, and I'm popping these here to facilitate that staring. Send help.

I'm not tinhatting, I should clarify. I'm not even 'shipping them romantically. That's a genuine promise, as opposed to the insubstantial 'I know very well I can't be trusted' promise that I won't end up writing a terrible Linkin Park/Pokémon crossover. I think they love each other a lot; I absolutely don't think they're pining desperately over each other, held apart by the evil record industry. But I do feel their dynamic is adorable, and, I'll be honest, I find Chester unsettlingly attractive in these GIFs.

My first reaction on looking up pictures of Linkin Park was 'huh, Chester's got a bit of a weird face, hasn't he?' His face still looks slightly odd to me. And yet.

(My last celebrity crush was Charlie Brooker, so maybe I'm exclusively attracted to people with weird faces. Mike's right there next to him, being all handsome, but my tastes refuse to make sense.)

My promise not to write a terrible Pokémon crossover is now looking more insubstantial than ever. I cannot believe nobody told me about this exchange on Chester Bennington's Twitter.

Fan: if lp never got together, what career would you have pursued?
Chester: Pokémon trainer
Fan: if not Picachu, who will be your favorite?
Chester: bulbasaur

Oh, God, he even included the accent on 'Pokémon'. I think I'm in love. I was already trying not to write fanfiction about your Pokémon-training adventures, Chester; don't do this to me!

(Although Chester's taste in Pokémon cannot be faulted, Bulbasaur can't learn Roar, which scuppers my 'every Pokémon in his team knows Roar' suggestion. I suppose his Bulbasaur could know Growl, at least. Oh, hey, it can learn Echoed Voice via TM!)

And Your Voice Was All I Heard.

Jul. 8th, 2017 11:23 pm
rionaleonhart: kingdom hearts: riku, blindfolded and smiling slightly. (we'll be the darkness)
[personal profile] rionaleonhart


strangely adorable Linkin Park GIF from linkinparkftw on Tumblr. Some of you may already have seen this, as I put it in the comments of my last post, but too bad; it's cute and I want it in an entry.


Linkin Park is still happening to me. I'm very sorry.

A couple of my favourite short clips from my apparent quest to watch every Linkin Park video on YouTube: I very much enjoyed Chester talking about his most embarrassing experience on stage while Mike cracks up (from this interview, about forty seconds in), and this extremely silly acoustic version of Numb (I'm so sad that the full version is nowhere to be found, but Chester's stupid dancing is brightening my day).

I'm finding it a little difficult to pin Chester down as a 'character', which I suppose makes sense, as he's not a character; he's a person. A few things do stand out. He's very openly affectionate; he talks a lot about how much he loves the band and his bandmates and his family. For all the anger in his singing, I've only seen him express anger in an interview once, talking about fans who call the band 'sell-outs' for experimenting with new styles, and he reflected on his comments and apologised a couple of weeks later.

Chester Bennington is intense and ridiculous and apparently possessed of boundless energy, he's built his career on screaming, and yet one of the first words that came to mind when I tried to list out his characteristics was 'quiet'. Is he quiet? Is that right? It seems unlikely. One of the first non-music videos of him I watched was an interview where the interviewer focused much more on Mike, which started me off with the probable misconception that Chester was shy, when in fact he just wasn't having much directed at him to respond to. Maybe the 'quiet' in my head is a holdover from that?

I'm still not going to write fanfiction. I'm not going to do it. My RPF days are behind me. I'm just trying to pin down the band members' characteristics as an innocent mental exercise. Don't give me that look.

A couple of specific fics I'm not going to write:

- Pokémon AU. Chester has a Loudred and every Pokémon in his team knows Roar.
- Supernatural AU where Dean is secretly a huge Linkin Park fan, he uses a haunting as an excuse to go to a gig, and he is very confused when Linkin Park take care of the haunting themselves. Turns out they're actually a team of hunters, fighting ghosts using the power of song somehow. This is an atrocious concept.

Just Like Before.

Jul. 7th, 2017 10:34 am
rionaleonhart: harry potter: extremely poorly-drawn dumbledore fleeing and yelling NOOOOOOOOO. (NOOOOOOOOO)
[personal profile] rionaleonhart
You guys, I really love Linkin Park. I really, really love Linkin Park a lot. I've barely stopped listening to their music since the live show. It's becoming a problem.

I don't get into bands! I enjoy music, but I haven't got invested in a specific band or artist in a fannish 'listening to all their stuff, reading up on the members, daydreaming about meeting them in the street' way since the Spice Girls, back when my age was in the single digits. The closest I got after that was... well, Linkin Park, in my early teens, but even then my obsession was limited to 'listening to Hybrid Theory over and over again' rather than falling headlong into band research. And now I've seen Linkin Park live, and they've ruined my life.

(A couple of great facts I've learnt from said research:

- the video for 'One Step Closer' was directed by a porn director.
- before they were signed, their strategy for getting an audience was going 'hey, we're having a GREAT PARTY but you're only allowed in if you have a ticket to our band's performance beforehand,' and then a Music Person turned up at one of their gigs and saw everyone there for the alcohol later and went 'wow, this place is packed, I should offer these guys a contract!')

Very bad idea: write a series of fics inspired by Linkin Park songs. Fics for my existing fandoms, I mean; I'm not going to write fanfiction about Linkin Park. (I don't think I'm going to write fanfiction about Linkin Park. Please don't let me write fanfiction about Linkin Park.) I don't know what 'Good Goodbye' makes me want to write, exactly, but I know it makes me want to write something.

(I just thought, Hmm, if I'm going to link that song I'd better actually watch the video, just in case it requires content warnings. It depicts... an evil basketball game? An evil basketball game. Okay.)

If this were a more obscure band, I'd probably link to a few favourite songs here, but there doesn't seem much point when most people have heard at least some Linkin Park already. So instead I'm going to link to a couple of stupid Linkin Park mashups that somehow work surprisingly well: 'In the End, You're an All-Star' (Linkin Park/Smash Mouth - I've listened to this so many times that the opening of 'In the End' now sounds weird to me without the whistling in the background), and 'Into Numb You' (Linkin Park/Ariana Grande - it is genuinely incredible how much better this Grande song sounds with Linkin Park's backing).

So, yes, apparently I am now an active, passionate Linkin Park fan. I can't believe this is happening to me. This is a disaster. I feel as if I should say goodbye and hit the road, pack it up and disappear. Better have someplace to go, 'cause I can't come back around here.

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